Lesson 3 – Happy Family Life

The chapter takes for granted that our aim is to achieve Qurb of Allah for humanity at large and suggests that we should get our priorities right. We should work on ourselves, our family, and then our society. If we were to skip the step of working on the family it would be as if we are trying to build the tall building (society) on a weak foundation (family).

Unfortunately the families structure has degraded a great deal in our societies. We once use to live-in with the larger family. A house would have parents with 10 / 12 siblings and the boys from the family would live in the same house for quite some time. Recently the trend is to have few children and that too the moment they are married they move out into a separate house. Further more many are avoiding marriage all together (they find it difficult to commit one spouse). Yet others are finding it easier to live in friends from the same sex and work as a family unit. So it is safe to say that the institution that we once had as a family is now degraded a great deal.

This leads to a lot of issues in the society. The children that grow out of troubled families are known to have psychological instability, higher crime rates, difficulty in maintaining a relationship etc. The way I see it, family structure is a training ground for us wherein we learn to deal with people and how to lead / follow. The family is also the best solution for the husband and wife to fulfill their sexual desires, short of which they end up promiscuous.

Here are few things that could help you maintain a happy relationship as a son and later as a husband and a father iA.
– consideration
“treat others the way you yourself would like to be treated”.
– communication
discuss things out before the mole turns into a mountain.
– do not take advantage
do not abuse the support from the family – give as much as you take or more than that.


3 responses to “Lesson 3 – Happy Family Life

  1. troubled famlies are not necessarily a major contributing factor to increase in crime rate….. while taking statistical analysis one comes to c tht only because the relation between troubled families and crime rate are taken into considerations is y v come to this conclusion……… and one fact tht v hav to keep in mind is that v hav to account for ourself on the day of judgement, so evn if the family is ‘troubled’ tht should not effect u…….. after all its not wat ur fathers and forefathers are it who u are

    this is wat i thnk so plz do comment

    ps: sory for not attending the madressa on 1 jan …….. dont hav a good enough reson to mention…. lol

  2. I believe you have mentioned 2 points here:

    1. connection difficult to make between troubled families and crime rate because there could be other factors.
    – I agree there could be many other reasons…lets try and pinpoint all of them and account for those – lets look for statistics on them.
    – Generally speaking in research when you find a relation in 2 aspects, it is well worth documenting. If you then find other things influencing this co-relation, it should be accounted for and see if after adjusting these other factors if there is still a co-relation.

    2. u should not make your families’ faults an excuse for your short comings.
    – this is a great point… thank you for raising it. I agree completely, it should not used as an excuse. can anyone point out why?
    – does this then mean that the co-relation is not true? there is an age old discussion about nature and nurture – how much do our genes affect our behaviour, how much does the upbringing affect our behaviour and how much control do we have on it ourselves? I dont think there is a conclusion that has been reached in this argument – but it would be great if we could do a little more research on this.
    – one thing is for sure – there is plenty of self-control involved and this is the reason we are rewarded and punishment in the here-after. this is what is called the jihad e akbar. In english literature this is often referred to as being pro-active, taking your destination in your hands.

    Was salaam

  3. Here is a Gulf News article on this issue:

    Though I disgust the way it uses the term terrorist and in many places disagree with the article, i think the point it raises about ties with the family is quite appropriate.

    Article: Terrorists can be weaned away from violence, study suggests
    Families appear to play vital role, whether positive or negative.


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